mom: jessica i have something very important to discuss with you
me: ok
mom: so i used to really like aly from the bachelor but now after all this drama with vienna i don't know. she seems to be in the middle of it.
...did i mention this was on facebook chat?!
this makes me smile A LOT!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
some stories and reflection
I realized recently that I have sort of neglected my blog, as-of-late. I also haven't really posted anything of substance, particularly about my practicum at Nativity House. This isn't really for any specific reason, however I think I can sum it up. This practicum has been such an emotionally charged experience, it has been difficult putting it into words and concise thoughts. Each day I am there I have conversations that would bring a normal person to tears, however I have to hold it in a be professional and helpful and fulfull my social work role. Trying to summarize the amount of pain and suffering and true humanity I have seen has been very difficult. When I look out at Nativity House, I initially see a lot of hopelessness, however in my converstaions with individuals I continue to be inspired by the level of thought and understanding and self-awareness of so many of our guests. I am inspired by the ways they have persevered through immense challenges and struggles, and have found their own ways to cope- they might not be traditional or even socially acceptable, but they are coping, nonetheless. I choose to be inspired by the little things, the small successes and joys, instead of overwhelmed by the sadness and despair.
I want to share a few recent stories and conversations I have had with people. Sometimes when I am talking to people I wish I had a tape recorder, because I can't even believe what I am hearing! Sometimes it is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, and sometimes I can't even believe that I am having this "deep" of a conversation with a person.
One of the common threads I am beginning to pick up on, is that it seems like many people have experienced an immense loss in their life, whether of a family member or spouse, that preceeded their homelessness. Last week I was talking to "Bill", who is an African American man in his 60s. He comes to Nativity House several times a week, and has been coming for at least 5 years. He is a tall, very jovial man, who is spiritual and constantly singing. He is originally from Virginia, and moved to Alaska many years ago for a fishing job. He fell in love, and was married, and his wife died, leaving him alone. He moved to Tacoma soon after, and has been off-and-on homeless here for at least 10 years. I asked Bill why he hasn't gone back to Virginia. He says he feels like a ghost in his own shoes sometimes, that he dreams about life in Virginia being perfect and just as it was, but then he wakes up and knows everything has changed and is different. He hasn't really stayed in touch with his family, they are ghosts to him. He likes Tacoma, and feels like the homeless community is tightknit and appreciates it. He doesn't want to go to a different city, like Seattle, he says it is too big for him. This conversation was absolutely amazing, and included many other topics that I have forgotten. Bill was in tears talking about the loss of his wife, and he was so frank and honest when I asked him about his homelessness and his family. After this conversation I felt very lucky to have been able to get to know Bill better.
Today I was talking to "David", who is a white man in his 40s. Somehow we got on the topic of how he became homeless. The story he told me, while very sad and awful, is probably eerily similar to the stories of so many these days. About 2 years ago, David had a full time job at a shipping/receiving company, and was living in a studio apartment in downtown Tacoma. He lost his job due to conflicts with the management, and came home that night to find a notice from his landlord that they were raising the rent almost $200 more each month. The reason for the raise was to compete with the new condo developers in downtown Tacoma, because of the gentrification/development that was (and is) still occuring. David could not pay the extra, and received a 30 day pay or vacate. He was jobless and homeless in a matter of 2 weeks. His unemployment has ran out, and he is unable to find work. I asked David about applying to several of the local transitional programs for single men. He says that he has applied to many, but he is not "a convict, or a drug addict, or an alcoholic, there is nothing for me. I am not minority enough for the programs, what is there for me?" This really got me thinking, for men like David, who are clean (don't have a record, aren't substance abusers), are there really no programs that put them in priority? Also, he is not old enough for elder housing, doesn't have any children... I mean, I am sure there are programs out there for David, but it had never really occured to me the problems that the "clean homeless" run into.
This last converstation I had was a bit more difficult. I was talking with one of our guests yesterday, who has been in and out of jail a lot in the past 3 months. His name is "Ben", and he is honestly one of the sweetest people I have ever met. He has the most joyous spirit, and is very gentle. However, I am sure he is an alcoholic/drug user. Anyway, as far as I can tel, he was most recently in jail for resisting arrest or evading the police, something like that! He told me he was walking down the street and the police pulled up behind him and he didn't stop walking, so they tasered him. Now I am not naiive enough to believe that this is ALL of the story... I am sure there is more! In our conversation, he brought up the Lakewood police officers who were killed in the Forza coffee shop, and basically said that they got what was coming to them. He said that the cops don't listen, and it was their fault because they didn't listen to him. This was SO difficult for me to hear. Of course, I disagreed with him, and tried to explain that the man who did this was sick, and there is no reason to ever take a human life. This was such a hard conversation to have, and hearing this opinion (one I haven't really heard before) was not something I was really prepared for. Having this type of conversation with someone who is high/drunk, and getting in a fight with them, was not my idea of a good time. So I sort of said, well, we have to agree to disagree, and let it go, however much I didn't want to.
These stories are just a few of many. What I have learned from the last 7 months at Nativity House is that each person has a voice, and deserves to have their story told. Each person in that room is just as valued as the next one, and each of us has things we are struggling with, and one person's drug addiction isn't necessarily any less important than my stress at with school and work, for example. At our core, we are all just humans, and my human-ness is just as important as someone who is high on meth and dropping coffee on the floor, or a schizophrenic who is talking to herself throughout the day. It is hard to capture the last 7 months in just a few paragraphs, but I hope this has given you a brief glimpse of my time thus far at Nativity House.
I am going to work on keeping my blog more current this year, so check back often for updates!
I want to share a few recent stories and conversations I have had with people. Sometimes when I am talking to people I wish I had a tape recorder, because I can't even believe what I am hearing! Sometimes it is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, and sometimes I can't even believe that I am having this "deep" of a conversation with a person.
One of the common threads I am beginning to pick up on, is that it seems like many people have experienced an immense loss in their life, whether of a family member or spouse, that preceeded their homelessness. Last week I was talking to "Bill", who is an African American man in his 60s. He comes to Nativity House several times a week, and has been coming for at least 5 years. He is a tall, very jovial man, who is spiritual and constantly singing. He is originally from Virginia, and moved to Alaska many years ago for a fishing job. He fell in love, and was married, and his wife died, leaving him alone. He moved to Tacoma soon after, and has been off-and-on homeless here for at least 10 years. I asked Bill why he hasn't gone back to Virginia. He says he feels like a ghost in his own shoes sometimes, that he dreams about life in Virginia being perfect and just as it was, but then he wakes up and knows everything has changed and is different. He hasn't really stayed in touch with his family, they are ghosts to him. He likes Tacoma, and feels like the homeless community is tightknit and appreciates it. He doesn't want to go to a different city, like Seattle, he says it is too big for him. This conversation was absolutely amazing, and included many other topics that I have forgotten. Bill was in tears talking about the loss of his wife, and he was so frank and honest when I asked him about his homelessness and his family. After this conversation I felt very lucky to have been able to get to know Bill better.
Today I was talking to "David", who is a white man in his 40s. Somehow we got on the topic of how he became homeless. The story he told me, while very sad and awful, is probably eerily similar to the stories of so many these days. About 2 years ago, David had a full time job at a shipping/receiving company, and was living in a studio apartment in downtown Tacoma. He lost his job due to conflicts with the management, and came home that night to find a notice from his landlord that they were raising the rent almost $200 more each month. The reason for the raise was to compete with the new condo developers in downtown Tacoma, because of the gentrification/development that was (and is) still occuring. David could not pay the extra, and received a 30 day pay or vacate. He was jobless and homeless in a matter of 2 weeks. His unemployment has ran out, and he is unable to find work. I asked David about applying to several of the local transitional programs for single men. He says that he has applied to many, but he is not "a convict, or a drug addict, or an alcoholic, there is nothing for me. I am not minority enough for the programs, what is there for me?" This really got me thinking, for men like David, who are clean (don't have a record, aren't substance abusers), are there really no programs that put them in priority? Also, he is not old enough for elder housing, doesn't have any children... I mean, I am sure there are programs out there for David, but it had never really occured to me the problems that the "clean homeless" run into.
This last converstation I had was a bit more difficult. I was talking with one of our guests yesterday, who has been in and out of jail a lot in the past 3 months. His name is "Ben", and he is honestly one of the sweetest people I have ever met. He has the most joyous spirit, and is very gentle. However, I am sure he is an alcoholic/drug user. Anyway, as far as I can tel, he was most recently in jail for resisting arrest or evading the police, something like that! He told me he was walking down the street and the police pulled up behind him and he didn't stop walking, so they tasered him. Now I am not naiive enough to believe that this is ALL of the story... I am sure there is more! In our conversation, he brought up the Lakewood police officers who were killed in the Forza coffee shop, and basically said that they got what was coming to them. He said that the cops don't listen, and it was their fault because they didn't listen to him. This was SO difficult for me to hear. Of course, I disagreed with him, and tried to explain that the man who did this was sick, and there is no reason to ever take a human life. This was such a hard conversation to have, and hearing this opinion (one I haven't really heard before) was not something I was really prepared for. Having this type of conversation with someone who is high/drunk, and getting in a fight with them, was not my idea of a good time. So I sort of said, well, we have to agree to disagree, and let it go, however much I didn't want to.
These stories are just a few of many. What I have learned from the last 7 months at Nativity House is that each person has a voice, and deserves to have their story told. Each person in that room is just as valued as the next one, and each of us has things we are struggling with, and one person's drug addiction isn't necessarily any less important than my stress at with school and work, for example. At our core, we are all just humans, and my human-ness is just as important as someone who is high on meth and dropping coffee on the floor, or a schizophrenic who is talking to herself throughout the day. It is hard to capture the last 7 months in just a few paragraphs, but I hope this has given you a brief glimpse of my time thus far at Nativity House.
I am going to work on keeping my blog more current this year, so check back often for updates!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2009 According to Facebook
So there is this awesome application on Facebook that makes these "year according to your status" collages. Obviously my time tonight was better spent doing this instead of other things such as writing thank-you notes or cleaning my apartment or doing laundry. Enjoy!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
accomplishment!
Tonight I handed in a 32 page group paper and then a 19 page paper I wrote. OH MY GOSH that is a lot of pages!
I have 5 quarters down, 6 more to go. So almost halfway done with my MSW.
YAY!
I have 5 quarters down, 6 more to go. So almost halfway done with my MSW.
YAY!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Lately
I have been completely lacking in the "blog update" department lately. Sorry... Life is crazy, and yes, that seems to always be my excuse but it is true. Even though I am not doing nearly as much as I was doing when I was at Whitworth, for some reason now things are just more overwhelming and take more energy.
Here are some updates on recent things:
Practicum-... is going well. It is kind of hard to sum up into a nice little box. Each day is emotional and overwhelming and intense. It is difficult to see so much hurt and pain and poverty, and yet be charged with attempting to building relationships with people who are hurting. Exposing myself to their pain, and recognizing my own privilege is a daily struggle for me. Knowing I am going to be done there in a mere 3 1/2 months is starting to get more apparent. There are people I have really grown to like and care for, in a "helping professional" way of course but also in a very genuine personal way. Homelessness is such a pervasive, toxic cycle, that seems a bit hopeless. I keep realizing how BIG it is. It's bigger than Nativity House. There are homeless families, homeless babies, homeless youth... Homeless women with family that lives 10 minutes from where she is staying in the shelter, who refuse to offer any assistance. Homeless veterans, homeless felons. Yet they are all still people, still human, and have the same hopes and fears as me. I have come to have a respect for many of the people I am serving, for their strength and perseverence. Even though I do not agree with many of their choices, it amazes me how I am learning that they are no different than you or I. We are all a few paychecks away from being homeless. When I drive down the streets of Tacoma I often see people who come in to Nativity House. It's hard for me to drive past a certain parking lot at night, because I know there are people I know living in their cars, huddled under blankets I gave them for warmth. After I leave Nativity House I get to go home to my warm apartment, where I have heat and TV and my own bathroom. Each day I realize this privilege, and sometimes feel slightly ashamed for being dissatisfied with the "stuff" I don't have. I could go on and on and on about my experiences there, and what I am learning...
Work- is good. Muddy, cold, windy. I got some winter breeches (yay!), so that helped. I also am a master at layering, and do lunges when I am teaching at night to try and stay warm. But I love the horses and love (*most*) of my students. I am excited for this week because we have a week off of lessons for Thanksgiving. It will be a nice break from the intensity of lesson days, and get to be more relaxed and spend time riding some project horses.
School- oh what to say, what to say... I am enjoying my class this quarter, and feel like it is a bit more stimulating than past quarters. We have a fun group project (develop an agency through a grant proposal), and a good large paper (organizational analysis of our practicum agency). I like my professor, who is the director of the Social Work program. I am excited for Winter Quarter because we are starting our Research sequence, so I am really hoping for some challenge. I realized last week, that even though I have not been entirely thrilled with the program this far, I have learned a lot. I think like a social worker in many different situations, I know the theory and how to apply it. I am using techniques I have learned in classes at Nativity House in REAL situations. So those are all good things.
Other-
-- My mom got her first "call" as a pastor! She will be moving to Hoquiam, WA (about 1.5 hours away from Tacoma), to be a temporary 6-month stated supply at First Presbyterian Church of Hoquiam. I am so thrilled for her! What a huge journey for her, and our family. I will miss her, but luckily it is just a short drive away, and it's on the way to the ocean, and I DO LOVE the ocean!
-- Thanksgiving is this week! YAAY! Which means the holidays are here, and I love this season!
-- Kelsey is coming home on Tuesday and we are hanging out Wednesday. And the new hot tub is in. So exciting!
-- Lexi and I have started doing a Zumba class at the YMCA. Tomorrow we are trying Aerobic Dance! Stay tuned to see how that goes. It is great to have a friend to work out with, makes it so much easier to get up early on a Monday morning!
Okay, off to work on a paper that's due Tuesday and potentially go to bed early!
Here are some updates on recent things:
Practicum-... is going well. It is kind of hard to sum up into a nice little box. Each day is emotional and overwhelming and intense. It is difficult to see so much hurt and pain and poverty, and yet be charged with attempting to building relationships with people who are hurting. Exposing myself to their pain, and recognizing my own privilege is a daily struggle for me. Knowing I am going to be done there in a mere 3 1/2 months is starting to get more apparent. There are people I have really grown to like and care for, in a "helping professional" way of course but also in a very genuine personal way. Homelessness is such a pervasive, toxic cycle, that seems a bit hopeless. I keep realizing how BIG it is. It's bigger than Nativity House. There are homeless families, homeless babies, homeless youth... Homeless women with family that lives 10 minutes from where she is staying in the shelter, who refuse to offer any assistance. Homeless veterans, homeless felons. Yet they are all still people, still human, and have the same hopes and fears as me. I have come to have a respect for many of the people I am serving, for their strength and perseverence. Even though I do not agree with many of their choices, it amazes me how I am learning that they are no different than you or I. We are all a few paychecks away from being homeless. When I drive down the streets of Tacoma I often see people who come in to Nativity House. It's hard for me to drive past a certain parking lot at night, because I know there are people I know living in their cars, huddled under blankets I gave them for warmth. After I leave Nativity House I get to go home to my warm apartment, where I have heat and TV and my own bathroom. Each day I realize this privilege, and sometimes feel slightly ashamed for being dissatisfied with the "stuff" I don't have. I could go on and on and on about my experiences there, and what I am learning...
Work- is good. Muddy, cold, windy. I got some winter breeches (yay!), so that helped. I also am a master at layering, and do lunges when I am teaching at night to try and stay warm. But I love the horses and love (*most*) of my students. I am excited for this week because we have a week off of lessons for Thanksgiving. It will be a nice break from the intensity of lesson days, and get to be more relaxed and spend time riding some project horses.
School- oh what to say, what to say... I am enjoying my class this quarter, and feel like it is a bit more stimulating than past quarters. We have a fun group project (develop an agency through a grant proposal), and a good large paper (organizational analysis of our practicum agency). I like my professor, who is the director of the Social Work program. I am excited for Winter Quarter because we are starting our Research sequence, so I am really hoping for some challenge. I realized last week, that even though I have not been entirely thrilled with the program this far, I have learned a lot. I think like a social worker in many different situations, I know the theory and how to apply it. I am using techniques I have learned in classes at Nativity House in REAL situations. So those are all good things.
Other-
-- My mom got her first "call" as a pastor! She will be moving to Hoquiam, WA (about 1.5 hours away from Tacoma), to be a temporary 6-month stated supply at First Presbyterian Church of Hoquiam. I am so thrilled for her! What a huge journey for her, and our family. I will miss her, but luckily it is just a short drive away, and it's on the way to the ocean, and I DO LOVE the ocean!
-- Thanksgiving is this week! YAAY! Which means the holidays are here, and I love this season!
-- Kelsey is coming home on Tuesday and we are hanging out Wednesday. And the new hot tub is in. So exciting!
-- Lexi and I have started doing a Zumba class at the YMCA. Tomorrow we are trying Aerobic Dance! Stay tuned to see how that goes. It is great to have a friend to work out with, makes it so much easier to get up early on a Monday morning!
Okay, off to work on a paper that's due Tuesday and potentially go to bed early!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
saturday night
leftover thai food. freshly made apple cobbler. large glass of wine. the office and 30 rock re-runs.
yep... i have no life!
yep... i have no life!
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