some stories and reflection

I realized recently that I have sort of neglected my blog, as-of-late. I also haven't really posted anything of substance, particularly about my practicum at Nativity House. This isn't really for any specific reason, however I think I can sum it up. This practicum has been such an emotionally charged experience, it has been difficult putting it into words and concise thoughts. Each day I am there I have conversations that would bring a normal person to tears, however I have to hold it in a be professional and helpful and fulfull my social work role. Trying to summarize the amount of pain and suffering and true humanity I have seen has been very difficult. When I look out at Nativity House, I initially see a lot of hopelessness, however in my converstaions with individuals I continue to be inspired by the level of thought and understanding and self-awareness of so many of our guests. I am inspired by the ways they have persevered through immense challenges and struggles, and have found their own ways to cope- they might not be traditional or even socially acceptable, but they are coping, nonetheless. I choose to be inspired by the little things, the small successes and joys, instead of overwhelmed by the sadness and despair.

I want to share a few recent stories and conversations I have had with people. Sometimes when I am talking to people I wish I had a tape recorder, because I can't even believe what I am hearing! Sometimes it is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, and sometimes I can't even believe that I am having this "deep" of a conversation with a person.

One of the common threads I am beginning to pick up on, is that it seems like many people have experienced an immense loss in their life, whether of a family member or spouse, that preceeded their homelessness. Last week I was talking to "Bill", who is an African American man in his 60s. He comes to Nativity House several times a week, and has been coming for at least 5 years. He is a tall, very jovial man, who is spiritual and constantly singing. He is originally from Virginia, and moved to Alaska many years ago for a fishing job. He fell in love, and was married, and his wife died, leaving him alone. He moved to Tacoma soon after, and has been off-and-on homeless here for at least 10 years. I asked Bill why he hasn't gone back to Virginia. He says he feels like a ghost in his own shoes sometimes, that he dreams about life in Virginia being perfect and just as it was, but then he wakes up and knows everything has changed and is different. He hasn't really stayed in touch with his family, they are ghosts to him. He likes Tacoma, and feels like the homeless community is tightknit and appreciates it. He doesn't want to go to a different city, like Seattle, he says it is too big for him. This conversation was absolutely amazing, and included many other topics that I have forgotten. Bill was in tears talking about the loss of his wife, and he was so frank and honest when I asked him about his homelessness and his family. After this conversation I felt very lucky to have been able to get to know Bill better.

Today I was talking to "David", who is a white man in his 40s. Somehow we got on the topic of how he became homeless. The story he told me, while very sad and awful, is probably eerily similar to the stories of so many these days. About 2 years ago, David had a full time job at a shipping/receiving company, and was living in a studio apartment in downtown Tacoma. He lost his job due to conflicts with the management, and came home that night to find a notice from his landlord that they were raising the rent almost $200 more each month. The reason for the raise was to compete with the new condo developers in downtown Tacoma, because of the gentrification/development that was (and is) still occuring. David could not pay the extra, and received a 30 day pay or vacate. He was jobless and homeless in a matter of 2 weeks. His unemployment has ran out, and he is unable to find work. I asked David about applying to several of the local transitional programs for single men. He says that he has applied to many, but he is not "a convict, or a drug addict, or an alcoholic, there is nothing for me. I am not minority enough for the programs, what is there for me?" This really got me thinking, for men like David, who are clean (don't have a record, aren't substance abusers), are there really no programs that put them in priority? Also, he is not old enough for elder housing, doesn't have any children... I mean, I am sure there are programs out there for David, but it had never really occured to me the problems that the "clean homeless" run into.

This last converstation I had was a bit more difficult. I was talking with one of our guests yesterday, who has been in and out of jail a lot in the past 3 months. His name is "Ben", and he is honestly one of the sweetest people I have ever met. He has the most joyous spirit, and is very gentle. However, I am sure he is an alcoholic/drug user. Anyway, as far as I can tel, he was most recently in jail for resisting arrest or evading the police, something like that! He told me he was walking down the street and the police pulled up behind him and he didn't stop walking, so they tasered him. Now I am not naiive enough to believe that this is ALL of the story... I am sure there is more! In our conversation, he brought up the Lakewood police officers who were killed in the Forza coffee shop, and basically said that they got what was coming to them. He said that the cops don't listen, and it was their fault because they didn't listen to him. This was SO difficult for me to hear. Of course, I disagreed with him, and tried to explain that the man who did this was sick, and there is no reason to ever take a human life. This was such a hard conversation to have, and hearing this opinion (one I haven't really heard before) was not something I was really prepared for. Having this type of conversation with someone who is high/drunk, and getting in a fight with them, was not my idea of a good time. So I sort of said, well, we have to agree to disagree, and let it go, however much I didn't want to.

These stories are just a few of many. What I have learned from the last 7 months at Nativity House is that each person has a voice, and deserves to have their story told. Each person in that room is just as valued as the next one, and each of us has things we are struggling with, and one person's drug addiction isn't necessarily any less important than my stress at with school and work, for example. At our core, we are all just humans, and my human-ness is just as important as someone who is high on meth and dropping coffee on the floor, or a schizophrenic who is talking to herself throughout the day. It is hard to capture the last 7 months in just a few paragraphs, but I hope this has given you a brief glimpse of my time thus far at Nativity House.

I am going to work on keeping my blog more current this year, so check back often for updates!