what's the antonym of superficial?

Some have accused me of being a bit superficial in my previous post. After a two-month hiatus from blogging, I may have neglected a few details of things that have happened in the previous months. However, it seemed easier to blog about my love of soy pumpkin spice lattes than to attempt to compose a blog that accurately portrayed the ups and downs and ups of the previous months. I am going to try and remedy that a little bit in this blog, however I am not going to use the internet as a toilet for my "life vomit" (don't you love that analogy?!).

I have new favorite saying: "we plan, God laughs." Most of you know I was quite upset about my mom's move to Wyoming. In my head it was completely irrational and crazy and I had no idea how she could just pick up and move to a state so far away. Most of you know I am a pretty (some might say severely) independent person, but there was something about having her here at least within driving distance, "just in case" (or J.I.C., one of my life mottos), that was comforting. Wyoming seemed crazy. Driving there is an 18 hour adventure over at least 4 mountain ranges. Flying there is expensive. My entire life was changing before my eyes. Gone was the easy access to Mom, when I needed a bit of home. Forever changed were family holidays and our many Cato traditions that surround them. What if I met someone, when would he meet my Mom? What if I had a life crisis, how would she get here? Or how would I get there? In my mind this was devastating and overwhelming and I just couldn't handle it. I refused to see how this could be a part of any plan that God could possibly have up his sleeve. God wouldn't do something this crazy, or ask us to take this big of a leap of faith.

Mom moved to Wyoming, and summer passed, and in fact it was a great summer! I spent my time riding tons of horses and going to tons of horse shows. I won a High Point at a jumping show in August and it was great! Then the end of August rolled around, and summer came to a close. I was headed for my first visit to Wyoming and to see Mom since she'd moved. I hate to admit this, but I had knots in my stomach for days before going. Every fiber of my being didn't want to go; I felt a gravitational pull to not going. Even the morning my flight departed, driving to Barb's at 4:30am, I desperately wanted to turn my car around and crawl back into bed where I was safe and I could ignore the fact that Wyoming existed. During my layover in Salt Lake a brief thought entered my head, "what if i just didn't get on the plane?"

Well I did get on the plane, and spent my first few days in Wyoming sulking and being immature. Maybe if I had a miserable time it would all just go away. Then my third day in Wyoming my mom invited her landlord (a.k.a. Chris) over for dinner. And we hit it off, and long-story short, spent the rest of my time in Wyoming hanging out and started the beginnings of a long-distance relationship. He came out to visit me in mid-October for 5 days, which was wonderful! I didn't expect to have fun in Wyoming, let alone meet someone that I connected with at all.

Now, it wasn't meeting Chris that made me change my perspective on Wyoming. I think it was God's big huge way of showing me that I don't have any control! He's made the plans, he's the author, and we are just the pawns in his big chess game of life. Despite my doubt and faithlessness God gave me a blessing that I didn't deserve. This is where the "we plan, God laughs" saying comes into play... i have learned in the last two months or so that doubt and worry are pointless, however we spent much too much time dwelling on our doubt. We are lucky to have a heavenely Father that loves us and has orchestrated a plan for our lives. Not saying that this plan doesn't involve heartbreak and sadness and change. Those are the times that make us stronger and teach us that the only real way to live is to rely on God 100%. We have to trust Him with everything, not just the parts of our life that we are willing to give away to his control.

Now i'm not saying a long-distance relationship is easy, because it isn't. It is super tough at times, because I miss Chris a whole heck of a lot, and seeing him on Skype sometimes just isn't enough. However I have to keep reminding myself that I am immensely blessed. All we have is right now and sometimes it's easiest to take one day at a time (and take lots of deep breaths, and when in doubt have another cup of coffee!)

I hope this blog satisfies those of you who complained about my last post. Hopefully it wasn't too much to post online and no one is offended or angry at things I have said (Mom... this means you!). But it's all the truth, and I didn't mince any words.

Maybe my next post will be a little less verbose.... :-)